Friends and neighbours, I’ve been absent. I’ve been around, about and everywhere, and I have been writing. There are plenty exciting project things in the pipeline. We’ve a book launch tomorrow for a start! But I’ve not been here. And I’ve probably not been round yours so much lately either. I’m sorry. But I’m going to change that. I’m coming back. I’m going to be more present. Recently, the offline world has all been very distracting. I’ll tell you all about it later. Madness on the mountain; exhilaration on the ice; rides in cars and boats and planes. And all sorts of interesting, all-consuming work in the spaces in between.
What to share with you after so long? Perhaps just a piece of me. My writers’ group challenge this week was to write an open letter to yourself – yourself ten years hence. A step through the looking glass…
———–
Dear Me,
I hope you have not changed. I hope you still have no regrets. I hope you still carry a big heart and wear a big smile. I hope that whatever hurt has come your way, you have learnt from it, laughed at it, and sent it on its way.
Perhaps a letter at your end would warn me against life’s foes. Perhaps you would look back at my lost battles, my dips and trenches, my grazed knees, and shake your head. Perhaps you would say, ‘You shouldn’t get so attached.’
But let me let you know – I am happy. I am full. I am boundless.
And so you cannot say to me, ‘Do not get attached.’
That is who I am. That is what I do.
I fall everyday. For places, people, things. For moments. For memories. For little pockets of wonder in the jacket of life.
I tether myself to them with an open cord – I open my heart wide. I cast a net to bring beauty and brilliance to my side and I drown in it with delight.
I cannot do ‘no stings attached’ – I can only make pretend. I am a ball of twine. But I like to think the good kind. I don’t tie people into knots; I wrap myself up and present myself to them with a bow. I am the string on a helium balloon, inviting them to fly with me.
I love people. I can fall for someone in a week, make fast friendships in a weekend. People leave marks on my soul. I can tell a stranger my hopes and dreams. My innermost everything is an open book. I crave connection, affection, to read the story of someone’s life and invite them to be a highlight in my own. It makes my story that much richer, that much more of an adventure. I will love you if you let me.
I hope you have not changed. I hope you still have no regrets. I hope you still carry a big heart and wear a big smile. I hope that whatever hurt has come your way, you have learnt from it, laughed at it, and sent it on its way.
Sincerely,
Me
————-
What would you say to yourself ten years hence, or ten years ago? Everything you do today is the gift of a memory given to a future you. Make it a good gift.
Wow. Talk about coming back with a bang, Sara. This is so unabashedly heartfelt and honest… and coincidentally, so full of love. Good for you, and I’m glad to see you back. I was thinking of you earlier this week, actually, and how we haven’t Skyped in a while!
Hmmmm. I know I’ve thought about what I would write in a letter to my younger self. But to my future self? Maybe, in a nutshell, I would say that I hope you (my future self) continue taking thoughtful risks, that you never give up in your dreams, that you learn to be brave not only with your work but with your heart and voice and to not be afraid of attracting the right people into your life. Trust. That would be the overall theme, I think.
Thank you, Sara! We definitely need a catch up… I think you have to be full of love to talk to yourself – you know what your younger self has been through, and you’ve no idea what your older self may have experienced.
I think everything you’d say to your future self is profound as well as poetic – I trust your future self will make those choices 🙂
I think I would say to my future self: I hope you have an open heart now.
I’ve been closed, protective, defensive too long. Too many goodbyes have made me reluctant to put down roots and open myself up, for fear of feeling all that pain again.
I hope that’s going to change. There is no fear in love…
I hate the pain of goodbyes. I love that despite what you’ve experienced, your choice is to hope for open-hearted change. You’re right – there is no fear in love.
This is utterly, utterly beautiful, and SUCH a better idea than the ‘letter to my former self’ things I’ve seen.
And this:
“I love people. I can fall for someone in a week, make fast friendships in a weekend. People leave marks on my soul. I can tell a stranger my hopes and dreams. My innermost everything is an open book. I crave connection, affection, to read the story of someone’s life and invite them to be a highlight in my own. It makes my story that much richer, that much more of an adventure. I will love you if you let me.”
My goodness do I ever feel that! You’re awesome <3
Ah thank you Lizzi… I knew you were a kindred spirit 🙂 Thank you for reading! Yours is one of the blogs I feel I’ve been missing out on lately, and I’m going to fix that.
<3
It's been a bit jangly lately, NOT on account of mental breakdown (my initial concern) but most likely due to these shingles I have…wait til I have something good there. Couple of good poems at bards though, if you're poetically inclined 🙂
So, so good! Your future you sounds like she’s going to be as kick-ass as your current you–lucky for all of us!
I’d say to my future self, don’t look back and regret anything, either actions you’ve taken or ones you wish you had. Look back at both and realize they’re simply the path you paved to get to where you are, and that sometimes a rutty, winding one can be as important as (if not more than) a smooth, straight one.
Thank you Kelly! It’s so true.. You wouldn’t be where and who you are without the choices you’ve made.. So it’s sometimes better to have taken a hard path and not choose to change a thing.
It is good to see you back. I’d begun to believe your silence a calm without a storm. I want only that my future self continue to live in her future-present. I’ve fought hard to embrace this present and not live in the painful past. It feels good here.
Thank you Christina 🙂 I’m glad to be back! And glad you’re where you want to be. Living in the present is a challenge I’m getting better at, and I love it too!